After all of my self development adventures I am now a strong believer that New Year's Resolution DO NOT work and in fact I think they are bulldoodie.
Every year for as long as I can remember I pledged to a resolution, usually had to do with my health and fitness. Most people do.
The Top 10 resolutions according to The Statistic Brain are :
Spend Less, Save More
Enjoy Life to the Fullest
Staying Fit and Healthy
Learn Something Exciting
Help Others in Their Dreams
Fall in Love
Spend More Time with Family
If you look at these there is a good chance you or someone you know has had a resolution similar to one of these.
In this episode I share with you:
I'm not talking about the need to control others as much as the need for the SENSE of control. It is a deep rooted need in a human. Its all about the feeling and it cannot be ignored, because it is in fact a NEED. Like any feeling it is there for a reason and needs attention and love and understanding. and like any need if it goes unmet, shit hits the fan and life spirals out of control, literally….
When we experience the sense of being out of control we feel stressed and that need increases with intensity.
If we look back in evolution, we needed to be in control of what was happening around us to stay alive. in our subconscious mind we are highly sensitive to fight or flight (fight to the death or flight from defeat)
Some other needs for control:
Control issues may be related to:
Do you know who Maslow is?
Heard of Maslows hierarchy of needs?
When the lower needs aren’t met, the higher ones are neglected because of the simple fact the body needs the lower ones as a priority. If we feel out of control because of poor health, the focus goes to that and the same with extreme exhaustion, we have no choice but to gain that control back again. this makes complete sense!
Now if you REALLY think about, do REALLY NEED to have control or just a feeling that you have a sense of control, that you know what is happening, will happen, or can happen? Probably just a sense of control right?
We give control to people we trust in life, so this shows we have the sense of control not that we need to be in control of everything that is happening.
Society dictates a lot for us, what is expected, allowed, so when we follow these we feel in control because we feel safe.
we have daily patterns we follow a schedule, most of us. Even if its just a morning or evening routine, it makes us feel in control and safe and comfortable. Imagine not having a morning routine, if you are the type who needs to have a sense of control, its chaotic!
When we lose that sense of control we fall back to being not so nice to be around, we tend to have to seek out a way to get a hold, or control of our surroundings, we get stiff and snappy at others. We want to feel safe and in that moment we don’t FEEL safe.
I always say life is about feelings and this is a great example of a need to feel, to understand that feeling and to nurture it, not push it away..
So what can we do to understand
This is a DEEP process and if you are dedicated to YOURSELF this is where to start, need help? Im here!
UNDERSTAND that when you try so hard to get control of a situation you just repel it.
ex. children and parents, or trying to get the attention of the opposite sex.
When you push too hard the opposite happens, in most situations. By taking away the needs that lead to a sense of control, you can relieve some stress. learning to be uncertain, unaware of the outcome, know that it is okay to not finish something, inconsistency.
these can all break that incessant need to control and at the same time the universe gives you back what you want and need.
So I hope you got a chance to listen to OR watch last weeks show on So...What's your story.
I am having such a great time doing these FB Live shows for you each monday, it really is an honor.
This week I was SUPER inspired to bring to you a show about emotions and how they can affect your life IF YOU GET TO KNOW THEM, the ones inside your own head that is as well as understanding that others go through the same exact shit that you do!
Leaning into that uncomfortable spot that we so often try to hide with food, work, drugs, or sex is so hard! I know!
I referenced a section of the book Rising Strong by Brene Brown in this episode because I had picked up the book from the library before Thanksgiving and just started reading it this past week and BOOM was she on point. I am doing this stuff myself but coming across it in a book I was shocked to see that what she had so carefully researched, I was doing but hadn't put it 100% together yet. It felt soooo good and just right. I HIGHLY suggest you grab this book
What I was talking about in the podcast was how Brene so nicely laid out the the 3 points to make everything come together so nicely.
Listen on, listen on....
****Today's show was recorded via FB LIVE on Monday December 5th at 5PM EST.
Welcome to today's show thank you so much for being here and I hope you got to catch the live show on my Facebook page.
Today I talked about "what's your story? "
How do you tell your story to yourself dictates how you live your life now.
I believe there are three main concepts in creating your story. They include your influences your beliefs and your core memories. Core memories sort of like from the movie inside out you know the one with all the emotions?
In this episode I share with you how I created my story and how you can then piece together your story and once you have your life story you can create a new story based on what you want to feel.
Many of us don't know who we are and why we are here we just live life but who wants to just live life.
Don't you want to have more out of life and live happier?
Go ahead go check out the show and make sure to subscribe to my lives you can find the link in my Instagram account at thelaurenjeans and grab the link in my bio
Once again thank you so much for being here don't forget to subscribe to my newsletter